Hana's Hookup
by John Bigboote
Summary: I wonder if Sombra could pull off this kind of hacking.


"_This is real, John. This is a real feeling that you're feeling, because I can feel it. I'm the reason you're feeling the way you're feeling right now, John."_

\- Brock Lesnar

* * *

AN ARMY OF DIABOLICAL OMNIC NASTIES WAS CLOSING IN ON D. VA'S PERSONAL SPACE. First there was the Gatlingnator, a humanoid tank covered with miniguns. D. Va locked the slowly-lurching menace in her crosshairs and easily dispatched it with her plasma cannons before it could do any damage.

There was Cytron the Destructor, a sentient wrecking ball on tank treads. D. Va shot out its wheels to send it careening sharply on one side. It flipped over and instantly crumpled under its own weight.

There was Laser Leonidas. As his name suggested, he was a giant robot lion armed with laser turrets. D. Va trimmed his claws before blowing him to smithereens.

There was the Carbon Crusher, a threat to all organic life on Earth that looked like a walking hydraulic press. It wasn't so threatening when D. Va strafed her MEKA around it and incinerated it in a 360 degree blast radius.

There was the Womb Deregulator. D. Va had a hard time focusing her aim with all of the flailing metal tentacles covering the Omnic's chassis. She gave up trying to get a clear line of fire and resorted to the tried and true method of just running up to the ugly thing and punching it with her cannon barrels. As soon as she closed in, it took a swipe at her like an octopus going on the defensive. D. Va steered her jets out of the way and came back clobbering on the Omnic across its head panels. As it stumbled backwards from the blow, clusters of tiny glowing fibers fell off the tips of its tentacles.

D. Va pulled back her yoke and wound up for another punch, but the Omnic leapt straight up in the air as if it were on springs and disappeared from her display.

Her MEKA suddenly rocked as something big landed directly behind it. The back half of her unit was engulfed in the Omnic's undulating steel cables before she had time to steer around, cutting off its mobility and effectively turning it into a big pink lead bubble with a human trapped inside.

D. Va looked over her shoulder in a panic as the Omnic wrenched apart of the back of her MEKA. Metal whined and screeched as the unit was pried open like a clam shell that wasn't designed to work like a clam shell. The sounds of metal being torn apart changed to the sounds of pleather being torn apart. D. Va suddenly felt the pilot suit clinging around her thighs wasn't there anymore.

The Omnic officially commenced its intrauterine espionage. Lying on her belly with her hips slightly elevated, D. Va was in the ideal position for exploration.

"Ee!" she squeaked through clenched teeth as her body flinched and she felt something no MEKA pilot was ever trained for. The Omnic fought a miniature campaign inside of her with a complicated host of tiny brushes, tubes, and anesthetic gels. It couldn't just upload a control parasite at the first opportunity and expect it to be accepted automatically. The installation zone had to be prepared first.

"Oo…" D. Va murmured as she sluggishly tilted her head forward. Her face became lost behind the curtain of her long black hair as three decades of Omnic weapons research was put to the test on a 4-inch span of internal organ tissue. She wasn't sure what was going on back there, but it felt a lot like an ASMR video concentrated inside her lower waist.

"Uhn…" she groaned in a tizzy as her shoulders twitched. The lower half of her body was hidden in the enclosed armor of her MEKA, leaving exactly _what _was happening as a mystery. But her odd reactions as she remained slouched over her dashboard made it obvious that _something _was happening.

"Aah!" She jolted a second time like she was being struck with a small electrical current. Sighing, she raised her head and uncovered her face. She was smiling with digital plus signs twinkling in her eyes. Tiny bolts of lightning tickled inside of her stomach and spread to her extremities.

"Heheh…"

The Omnic uncoiled from D. Va's MEKA and welded the back panels back together the best it could manage. Her pilot suit was left in its current state in case she ever needed more maintenance.

D. Va grasped her yokes and found she was able to steer her MEKA again. But whatever aspirations of fighting Omnics she had a few minutes ago were no longer circulating through her mind. Instead, something strange was triggered inside of her and put her in the mood to use her piloting skills in another way.

D. Va's display turned in the opposite direction of the Omnic army as she steered her controls toward her new target. Her Mountain Dew addiction would have to wait. She suddenly felt the urge to kill some humans.


End file.
